THE CHURCH OF FACEBOOK: The Book, the Blog, and the Man Behind Both

Entries tagged as ‘mobile technology’

Mobile Etiquette, PART TWO

January 5, 2010 · 2 Comments

Continuing in our mobile etiquette countdown, we arrive at part two, affectionately known as numbers five through one.  If you missed numbers ten through six (and what a shame that would be), please scroll down the page to find yesterday’s entry (or simply click HERE).

5. Kids are smarter than you think. Even infants and toddlers. Therefore, if you are a parent who spends a great deal of time on his or her phone while in the presence of your offspring, said offspring are going to notice. And yes, even the toddler and infant are going to notice. In my former Palo Alto, CA, neighborhood, I was always surprised by how many parents I observed pushing their children in strollers while yacking away on their cell phones. Now I can’t blame them. At first glance, this looks like good multi-tasking. “I’m doing work. I’m with my kid. What’s the problem?” The problem is your child is watching everything you do to help make sense of its developing world. If you are constantly on your phone while with your child (or leaving your child to take a call), the child will assume there is an object that is at least as important as he or she (after all, it always gets picked up when it “cries.”) Be assured this child will carry that message into their teen years and adulthood and it will bite you in the tookus. The opportunity to take a stroll with your children is richer than you may think. See if at least once or twice a week you can do this sans phone and notice how much more attuned you are to your child’s exciting experience of their growing world. You may even find yourself feeling more childlike, too.

4. Don’t make phone calls immediately before bedtime or immediately after waking up. I broke my own rule this morning (there are always exceptions), but as a habit, it is good to honor your body’s natural rhythms and stay away from communication devices and info a half hour before bed and after waking. Why? Our bodies are finely-tuned instruments (yes, even yours), and finely-tuned instruments require thoughtful care. In our culture’s exercise craze we can be quick to assume we’ve all “got this.” We don’t. We may be building more muscle and losing more fat, but we are mostly unaware of what our body actually needs (hence America’s massive sleep debt and medical bills). You, however, being the brilliant sage that you are, can counteract some of this by simply unplugging for a short time after waking and a short time before bed. Quiet your mind and use gratitude once again to reflect on the day ahead or behind. Your body knows what it needs. Connect to it before connecting with others.

3. Don’t text while driving. We’ve all gotten pretty decent at this, and if we don’t text, we at least check incoming texts. None of this is good. The fact is, driving is a more complex task than we think. And when your already limited attention is further fractured by looking down and pressing the right keys, trouble is near. I say this as one who checks incoming texts while driving far too often (i.e., more than once). But the reality is, we are once again making some selfish decisions here, as in, this text is more important than the lives hurtling past me so I should answer it rather than pay attention to not running anyone over. Honor the people in the cars and on the sidewalks around you by giving your driving some undivided attention.

Be a part of reclaiming public spaces for the public (i.e., humans) by being respectful about where and how you take or make your calls.

2. It’s already been mentioned above, but when we are on our phones, we are not very aware of the people physically around us. It is a simple biological fact, but it is also just plain rude. We all know the experience of overhearing conversations because fellow citizens are yapping away in public spaces. Be a part of reclaiming public spaces for the public (i.e., humans) by being respectful about where and how you take or make your calls. Pay attention to volume (we all talk significantly louder on the phone than in person). Pay attention to personal distance (are you talking too near to someone and dishonoring their right to personal space, at least by the standards Western culture)? In other words, be mindful of the people around you with your communication habits at airports, grocery stores, malls, churches, on public transportation, at theme parks, etc.

1. Finally, apply the so-called Golden Rule to all your mobile habits. That means treat others the way you would want to be treated. We can all do our small but potent part in reclaiming our humanity and honoring each other’s by simply being mindful of how we’re using our mobile technology. We all have to use it, yes. That’s not a bad thing. But we can all get more skilled at how we use it, too. This list is an invitation to me and to you to become “more human” in the way we communicate – even on digital devices. By incorporating these simple practices, we are being good to ourselves and good to others (and good for others).

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Mobile Etiquette, PART ONE

January 4, 2010 · 1 Comment

It’s become so common that most of us are used to it by now.  But there was a time not long ago when it would not have been okay to answer a call or check/send a text while talking/listening to someone else.  I have had more conversations interrupted by someone taking a glance at their cell phone than I can remember (and I’ve certainly been guilty of doing that to others).  This practice has, in fact, become normal, expected.  I believe this is not okay.

In response to this growing trend, I have created a list of ways we can use our mobile technology better, allowing us to be more present to the people and events right in front of us.  My goal is for these practices so be simple and easy to integrate into our hyperconnected lives.  By incorporating them, I believe we can show each other greater respect and reflect to one another greater dignity.

Numbers 10-6 today.  Numbers 5-1 tomorrow.

10.  It’s okay to use voicemail. If you receive a call while talking with someone else in person, let your phone get the message.  You can check it after your conversation is over.  I know, it sounds silly.  But many of us have forgotten this handy feature and allow ourselves to be dominated by “the tyrrany of the urgent.”   For some reason, that incoming call can feel more important than the person you’re talking/listening to.  It’s not.  Unless your wife is about to have a baby or your daughter is awaiting that heart transplant, wait for the voicemail.

9.   If you’re meeting someone for an appointment (e.g., lunch), turn off your phone during the appointment. If you’re expecting an important call that you just have to take (and there are exceptions), let the person you’re meeting with know ahead of time.  When the call comes, excuse yourself politely from the conversation and step outside or at least to a corner where you won’t disturb everyone around you.  Don’t be “that guy” yacking away on his Bluetooth in the middle of the restaurant as though they were the most important person in the universe.  No one likes that guy.

8.  One of the biggest lies generated by our hyperconnectivity is the idea that we have to be constantly alert for the next call, the next text, the next email. And when we get it, we should respond as quickly as possible.  Don’t buy into this lie.  Refuse to give in to the tyranny of the urgent.  Refuse to live in knee-jerk fashion to every new piece of information that comes your way. Combat the tyranny of the urgent with the power of intentionality.  Lasers are powerful because they are immensely focused beams of light.  Your power lies in being immensely focused, as well.

7.  Be proactive, not reactive, with your mobile technology. I got an encouraging text from a friend on Christmas Eve.  It was less than 50 characters long, but it let me know he was thinking of me.  I was surprised by how good that felt.  After all, it’s only a silly little text, right?  But interacting in real time around real events is one of the great gifts of hyperconnectivity.  We can take the initiative and send a quick word of encouragement.  We can let someone know we are thinking of/praying for them (we should do this only if we’re actually praying for them, btw).  A quick call, a quick video message, a quick shared picture.  It’s amazing what a small gesture can do when it is thoughtful.

6.  Go offline for a few minutes everyday and come back to yourself. During the course of your day, take 10 minutes and turn your cell phone off.  Close your laptop.  Now breathe in and out deeply 5-6 times.  Be quiet and still.  Re-member (literally, “gather up the pieces of”) who you are and what matters most.  Gratitude is a good tool for this.  Recount three things you’re thankful for so far that day, no matter how crazy it’s been.  Take a quick scan of your body.  Is your heart racing?  Do you feel tired or sore?  Get back in touch with your body, mind, and heart for a few moments.  Then make the intention to take the attitude of those quiet, re-humanizing 10 minutes with you when the phone goes back on and the laptop is open once more.

Good luck and stay tuned for Numbers 5-1 tomorrow!

(Photo credits: Girl on phone – Yellow Dog Productions; That Guy – Patrice O’Brien; Laptop on Hood – Ligia Botero)

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The Bluetooth Is NOT A Fashion Accessory

October 19, 2009 · 5 Comments

blue tooth beardFrom The Church of Facebook: How the Hyperconnected Are Redefining Community, page 147 –

I feel the need to point out that a Bluetooth device is not a fashion accessory. It is stunning to me how many people—mostly young men—walk around with them stuck in their ear despite the fact that they aren’t even using them. Yes, I can see the value of hands-free communication while driving. I drive “hands free” all the time—it’s why God gave me knees. Likewise, if your hands are full—say you’re carrying an icebox with a live human heart in one hand and a vial of toxic material in the other—then it is okay to use a Bluetooth. But if these are the not conditions you find yourself in, then at no time, and not under any circumstance, should you be caught wearing such a device.

(“Wise Man” photo by Blake Little)

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