Every Thursday morning, I have the great privilege of presenting a seminar for adults on the subject of online social networking (specifically Facebook) and its impact on culture, relationships, self-understanding, etc. It always involves a great deal of lively discussion as folks tend to come in the room with strong pre-formed ideas and feelings (often negative) as well as great questions about Facebook and the like. Today was no different, and I continue to learn much from the seminar participants as they bring their own ideas and experience to the conversation.
Today, one of the things I mentioned as being a” theme” I observe in the Facebook universe (and parallel universes like MySpace, etc) is that of “hearing” versus “listening.” As participants in an online social network, we are all tied to many dozens, hundreds, thousands, millions of other people. Our Facebook news feeds often represent the various thoughts and action of more people than we can possibly keep up with in any great detail. As a result, we get the “fire hose” of relational information, but find it hard to listen to the person behind the witty comment, the shared link, the latest vacation pics, etc. We’re scanning headlines, as it were, not listening (necessarily) for the heart behind the update. There’s so much relational noise, in fact, that it can be hard to hear our own voice over the din. It can be hard to hear our own hearts.
Roy Williams, in his fascinating little book called, Does Your Ad Dog Bite? shares the following story. I offer it as an illustration of the challenge inherent in listening rather than merely hearing.
The average American cannot say “no.” This is why he or she is average. The temptation which defeats the average American is a thing called Overchoice, a deceiver which whispers, “You don’t have to choose. You can have it all.” Overchoice creates a world of too many options. One of my senior associates, Jim Anderson will graphically illustrate Overchoice by showing you five or six ping pong balls. He will ask you to catch each of these balls as he gently tosses them to you. Everyone catches the first ball easily. It is only when Jim tosses the rest of the balls together that people come up empty-handed. Instinctively attempting to catch all the balls, the average person will frantically flail the air and send ping-pong balls careening around the room. The only person that will catch a ball is that rare person who will focus on a single ball.
As Williams observes, when we have too many options—or we might say, too much relational noise—we often lose focus and “drop the ball.” We simply cannot attend in much detail to a particular voice, a particular person, a particular heart. Overchoice, says Williams, keeps us (and our relationships) average because it prevents us from focusing for very long on any one thing. And focus is absolutely essential to doing things well, whether it’s building a model boat or building a relationship. In fact, there can be no real listening (to one another or to ourselves, for that matter) apart from focus. As one who certainly would have grabbed for as many ping pong balls as possible (and does regularly) and inevitably dropped them all, I am constantly challenged to consider what it means to really listen to the voices in my life rather than simply trying to catch as much of the noise around me as I can.
What’s your experience with hearing versus listening?
